Just today I was discussing with Mike how I feel like my faith is wavering. I decided to come home from lunch and google search ALS miracles when I stumbled on this:
"Faith is a state of openness or trust. To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float. And the attitude of faith is the very opposite of clinging to belief, of holding on. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe, becomes a person who has no faith at all. Instead they are holding tight. But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be."
Alan Watts.
Maybe sometimes faith finds you. I thought it was worth sharing.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I had a dream~
Last night I had a dream, it was the most amazing dream the kind of dream were you know your dreaming but it feels so real. I was in a city somewhere waiting for Mike, in my dream I knew I had MND but when Mike arrived we decided to walk home even though I knew I couldn't.
As we began to walk I noticed that Mike wasn't helping me. I realized I was walking on my own, no limp, no foot drag, no assistance. I couldn't believe it, the sensation of walking was exhilarating, I began to cry, then run, then skip. I spent the rest of my dream walking back and forth on this invisible street in my mind.
It was so real, I half expected to be able to walk when I woke up.
I hope I have this dream again.
As we began to walk I noticed that Mike wasn't helping me. I realized I was walking on my own, no limp, no foot drag, no assistance. I couldn't believe it, the sensation of walking was exhilarating, I began to cry, then run, then skip. I spent the rest of my dream walking back and forth on this invisible street in my mind.
It was so real, I half expected to be able to walk when I woke up.
I hope I have this dream again.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Update time~
So I realized it has been awhile since my last post, I'll fill you in on what's been happening.
Vanuatu was great however a little sad. I am so used to being active on holidays it was hard for me not to be able to go hiking, snorkeling, cliff jumping ect. I'm still working on catching my brain up on whats happening with my body. Mike and I still enjoyed ourselves it was just different.
After Vanuatu we came home for a few days before heading to Sydney to pick up Liz who flew in from NY for a week. We had a blast with her here, lots of laughs. It makes such a difference to have a 3rd person to help out. It was nice for Mike to have a few breaks.
So what's the plan? Well unfortunately I am still progressing. I have trouble typing so Mike usually scribes for me however at the moment he is sound asleep. My walking is worse, I got my first wheelchair last week, it's red my favorite color, we only use it for big outings. I'm trying to walk for as long as possible. My speech is becoming a little slurry mostly when I'm tired. All in all my body is falling apart however I'm doing pretty good staying sane.
The up side of MND is my mom is coming out in a couple weeks! I can't wait. At the moment Mike and I are looking for a new place to rent, the place we are in now has too many stairs. We also have both decided to no longer work. We are not sure how much time we have left so we want to spend it together.
We have made the decision to stay in Australia indefinitely however, we will head back to Montana for a few months in May. Not looking forward to the trip over but I reckon being with my family for awhile will be worth it.
Emotionally we are doing OK. What Mike and I are going through is crazy something we never even thought to worry about, something most people don't have to deal with until they are old and gray. I'd be lying if I said everyday isn't a constant struggle. But what I've learned is we can withstand more then we ever thought possible. I'm so blessed to have a husband that is my other half, who showers me with unconditional love in situations that would send others running. I've come to the end of my rope countless times in the last few months but thank God I had Mike there to tie little knots and tell me to hang on.
Vanuatu was great however a little sad. I am so used to being active on holidays it was hard for me not to be able to go hiking, snorkeling, cliff jumping ect. I'm still working on catching my brain up on whats happening with my body. Mike and I still enjoyed ourselves it was just different.
After Vanuatu we came home for a few days before heading to Sydney to pick up Liz who flew in from NY for a week. We had a blast with her here, lots of laughs. It makes such a difference to have a 3rd person to help out. It was nice for Mike to have a few breaks.
So what's the plan? Well unfortunately I am still progressing. I have trouble typing so Mike usually scribes for me however at the moment he is sound asleep. My walking is worse, I got my first wheelchair last week, it's red my favorite color, we only use it for big outings. I'm trying to walk for as long as possible. My speech is becoming a little slurry mostly when I'm tired. All in all my body is falling apart however I'm doing pretty good staying sane.
The up side of MND is my mom is coming out in a couple weeks! I can't wait. At the moment Mike and I are looking for a new place to rent, the place we are in now has too many stairs. We also have both decided to no longer work. We are not sure how much time we have left so we want to spend it together.
We have made the decision to stay in Australia indefinitely however, we will head back to Montana for a few months in May. Not looking forward to the trip over but I reckon being with my family for awhile will be worth it.
Emotionally we are doing OK. What Mike and I are going through is crazy something we never even thought to worry about, something most people don't have to deal with until they are old and gray. I'd be lying if I said everyday isn't a constant struggle. But what I've learned is we can withstand more then we ever thought possible. I'm so blessed to have a husband that is my other half, who showers me with unconditional love in situations that would send others running. I've come to the end of my rope countless times in the last few months but thank God I had Mike there to tie little knots and tell me to hang on.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Part 2 - Vanuatu
Hi family and friends
This is some of what has been happening in Vanuatu so far.
This is some of what has been happening in Vanuatu so far.
Stand by for more action soon.
Love Stay and Mike
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The adventure begins - Part 1. Tasmania
Sorry its been a while since I've blogged. I've had a busy month turning 28 and planning our 6 week adventure. Yeah.
As lots of you may know our original plan was to travel around Australia in a caravan. As it came closer to our planned departure it became clear that this was most definitely not a good idea due to my increased movement challenges.
So plan B. Travel where we want, when we want. First stop Tasmania.
We headed off to Tasmania on February 13th with our good friends Jennine and Harry. Harry is an old frisbee friend of Mikes and as I told Harry when he said his girlfriend Jennine was coming over from Canada "we are going to be best friends", I was right.
Thankfully Harry organised the entire trip for us including car hire, excellent bed and breakfast style accommodation and the occasional tourist activity.
Highlights of the trip included: The delicious meal we had at the Grand Chancellor in Hobart. Sea food extravaganza including "monster crayfish". This was followed shortly after by a wharf side proposal by Harry to Jennine.
We had a nice drive up to Launceston, where we met Harrys uncle Jack, Aunt Becky and family. We had an excellent lunch with the Tasmanian branch of the Birrell family including our first bottle of French Champagne to celebrate Jennine joining the family.
The jewel in Launceston's crown is cataract gorge which sits right on the west side of town.
The next 3 days were spent in a sleepy little town in the middle of Tassie. We stayed at the charming Tin Dragon cottages which featured an outdoor spa bath to watch the milky way go by, a delicious organic BBQ basket and exceptional service. I did however get spit on by a disgruntled alpaca.
We also spent some time at Bicheno on the Bay. The highlight of my trip was the delicious fresh oysters for dinner and the penguin walk night tour which was full of penguin action.
Final stop on the trip was Port Arthur convict settlement. This was a nice look into Australia's brutal history and although we didn't go on the night ghost tour I was on the look out as we toured the grounds.
We spent our final night in a old restored convict era building called Convict Station. This building had an air of the spooky about it which was enhanced by my bed being positioned directly under the man hole to the attic. The convict attic.
All up our trip to Tasmania was an absolute pleasure. I stuffed myself with seafood, had fantastic company, beautiful scenery and a rockin' good time. Thanks to everyone who made this trip possible through their kind contributions.
Next stop Vanuatu, hoot. I'll leave you with a few pictures from the Tassie trip. Enjoy!
As lots of you may know our original plan was to travel around Australia in a caravan. As it came closer to our planned departure it became clear that this was most definitely not a good idea due to my increased movement challenges.
So plan B. Travel where we want, when we want. First stop Tasmania.
We headed off to Tasmania on February 13th with our good friends Jennine and Harry. Harry is an old frisbee friend of Mikes and as I told Harry when he said his girlfriend Jennine was coming over from Canada "we are going to be best friends", I was right.
Thankfully Harry organised the entire trip for us including car hire, excellent bed and breakfast style accommodation and the occasional tourist activity.
Highlights of the trip included: The delicious meal we had at the Grand Chancellor in Hobart. Sea food extravaganza including "monster crayfish". This was followed shortly after by a wharf side proposal by Harry to Jennine.
We had a nice drive up to Launceston, where we met Harrys uncle Jack, Aunt Becky and family. We had an excellent lunch with the Tasmanian branch of the Birrell family including our first bottle of French Champagne to celebrate Jennine joining the family.
The jewel in Launceston's crown is cataract gorge which sits right on the west side of town.
The next 3 days were spent in a sleepy little town in the middle of Tassie. We stayed at the charming Tin Dragon cottages which featured an outdoor spa bath to watch the milky way go by, a delicious organic BBQ basket and exceptional service. I did however get spit on by a disgruntled alpaca.
We also spent some time at Bicheno on the Bay. The highlight of my trip was the delicious fresh oysters for dinner and the penguin walk night tour which was full of penguin action.
Final stop on the trip was Port Arthur convict settlement. This was a nice look into Australia's brutal history and although we didn't go on the night ghost tour I was on the look out as we toured the grounds.
We spent our final night in a old restored convict era building called Convict Station. This building had an air of the spooky about it which was enhanced by my bed being positioned directly under the man hole to the attic. The convict attic.
All up our trip to Tasmania was an absolute pleasure. I stuffed myself with seafood, had fantastic company, beautiful scenery and a rockin' good time. Thanks to everyone who made this trip possible through their kind contributions.
Next stop Vanuatu, hoot. I'll leave you with a few pictures from the Tassie trip. Enjoy!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Trust
Church billboards, you’ve gotta love them. Mike and I pass a few different ones on a daily basis. I always look to see if God has left me a message. Sometimes they are ridiculous, but every once in awhile one really talks to me, which is what happened this week. As we passed I read a sign which read “You can’t trust and worry at the same time.” Yes you can I thought, but on further reflection I came to the conclusion that the sign was right, again.
All this time I’ve been worrying about MND, my symptoms, my life changes, the future, my timeline, ect. At the same time I’ve been saying, “Maybe I’ll get a miracle, maybe God will make me better?” I think I just say it but don’t fully trust that it could happen? This silly sign opened up my eyes.
I asked Mike how I am meant to “trust” that I will get better and not “worry” about my ever increasing symptoms. My very wise husband said “You’re not meant to trust you will get better, but trust that each day you are given you will make the most of. Trust that although this is hard you are here now and you can affect people’s lives in a positive way and trust that no matter what happens we can make it through.”
It took me awhile to let that sink in but I think he’s right. No one knows their timeline, some of us have been told ours but as my friend Tawn says, “No one has a crystal ball.” I guess all we can do is trust that today is another day we have been blessed with and try our hardest not to waste our time worrying about things we have no control over.
Like that speech song says, “Worrying is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.”
Thanks for the sign~
All this time I’ve been worrying about MND, my symptoms, my life changes, the future, my timeline, ect. At the same time I’ve been saying, “Maybe I’ll get a miracle, maybe God will make me better?” I think I just say it but don’t fully trust that it could happen? This silly sign opened up my eyes.
I asked Mike how I am meant to “trust” that I will get better and not “worry” about my ever increasing symptoms. My very wise husband said “You’re not meant to trust you will get better, but trust that each day you are given you will make the most of. Trust that although this is hard you are here now and you can affect people’s lives in a positive way and trust that no matter what happens we can make it through.”
It took me awhile to let that sink in but I think he’s right. No one knows their timeline, some of us have been told ours but as my friend Tawn says, “No one has a crystal ball.” I guess all we can do is trust that today is another day we have been blessed with and try our hardest not to waste our time worrying about things we have no control over.
Like that speech song says, “Worrying is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.”
Thanks for the sign~
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